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Art Clubs Are Trumps 



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Art Clubs Are Trumps 

A Play in One Act 

For Fe?nale Characters 



By 
MARY MONCURE PARKER 



NOTICE TO PROFESSIONALS 

This play is published for amateurs only. Professional 
companies are forbidden the use of it in any form or under 
any title, without the consent of the author, who may be ad- 
dressed in care of the publishers. 



BOSTON 

WALTER H. BAKER & CO. 

1918 



Art Clubs Are Trumps y . 
'b bfi 

CHARACTERS ^^ cx\^ 

Mrs. a. R. Tistic. Miss Bright. U 

Mrs. Welcome. Mrs. Serious. ' 

Mrs. O. B. Ject Mrs. Wealthy. 

Miss Palette. Mus. Van Dyke Brown 

Mrs. Sincere. Bridget. 

Mrs. Everlate. Art {a symbolical character). 

The scene of the phiy is laid in Chicago about a year or 
two prior to tlie World's Fair, but with a shght change of 
setting and wording, the action may be placed in any city. 
• Plays about thirty minutes. 

NO IE 

This playlet shows the trials that an ambitious woman encoun- 
tered who desired to form a club in the earlier days of club life 
and a so the difficulties engendered when trying to run a club in 
one s home, with a somewhat obstreperous maid. 

The plot is laid about twenty -seven years ago. before telephones 
and automobiles were in general use. and when a maid was in a 
somewhat more informal touch with the mistress than we find at 
the present day The plot is laid in Chicago merely to have some 
setting, but with only a word or two of change, here and there it 
may be laid in any city. This play is especially adapted to the 
use of women and of clubs, as the comedy element necessary to 
Jigliten It is followed by a transition to the serious figure of Art 
giving a touch of the dramatic, and showing earnestness of pur- 
pose. It may be easily given by amateurs. The lines should be 
spoken distmctly (even the asides), and with force, and the plav 
sliould go with snap and vim. • ' 

The costumes are quaint and cause a laugh, as old fashions do 
and if directions are followed, the entrance of Art, with the ac 
companying music, which gives atmosphere, brings a husband 
thrill, which holds to the end. 




Copyright, 1918, hy Walter H. Baker & Co. 



Art Clubs Are Trumps 



SCENE. — The home of Mrs. Welcome, an earnest 
woman zvith artistic tastes, zvho desires to form a club 
in the earlier days of club life. The time is about the 
year iSgi. The costumes shoidd conform to that 
period. The room decorations may also be of that 
time, but if not practical,, the play may be given merely 
with tables and chairs on a platform, zvithout stage 
settings. A table is in the center of the stage zvith one 
chair back of it and four chairs on either side. A 
strong footstool must be at the side of the chair, back 
of the table, to be used as a step for the figure of Art. 
// is^ necessary for the action of the play and that the 
audience may see the players to have a semicircle 
arrangement of chairs. Doors r. and L. A sofa zvith 
pillozvs may be used in place of three chairs if stage is 
decorated. 

Enter Bridget as the curtain rises, zvith a feather duster 
in her hand. She zvears cap and zvhite apron, zvith a 
gingham apron over the zvhite one, and she is sing- 
ing the popidar air of the day. She goes about dust- 
ing chairs, table, etc. Gives a final survey. 

Bridget. Sure this room looks like a prayer-meeting 
or a minstrel show, the way thim chairs is fixed, but 
Hiven knows what strake she got now. Thot's the way 
she said to fix thim anyhow. (Starts singing again.) 

Enter Mrs. Welcome; gives general survey of room. 
Crosses r. to Bridget. 

Mrs. Welcome. Oh, Bridget, take off that gingham 
apron. 



4 ART CLUBS ARE TRUMPS 

Bridget (groncJiily). Sure, mum, it's no joke tryin' 
to play cook and second girl at the same time, mum. 

Mrs. Welcome (soothingly). Yes, I know, Bridget, 
but it does not happen very often. Indeed, I have never 
belonged to a club before and I am so anxious to have 
ever}'ining all right. 

Bridget {taking off apron). Sure, I feel loike a fool 
in this cap. 

Mrs. Welcome. It is very becoming, Bridget, and 
quite the thing nowadays. I am sure you want to be in 
style. 

Bridget. The shtyle be hanged, mum ! I am only do- 
ing it to plase you, but I wouldn't go out on the strate in 
thim nurse's trimmin's, not aven for Quain Victoria, 
mum. Iv'ry one can tell what ye aire the minit they seez 
you. 

(Bell rings outside.) 

Mrs. Welcome. There's the bell, Bridget. (Straightens 
Bridget's cap.) Ask the ladies to go up-stairs. 

[Exit Bridget. 

(Mrs. Welcome moves about nervously; enter Bridget.) 

Bridget. Plase, mum, they w^on't go up-stairs. 

(She starts to leave bitt backs dozvn stage as the ladles 
enter, making her exit after surveying them slyly.) 

Enter Mrs. A. R. Tistic, Mrs. O. B. Ject, Miss Palette 
and Mrs. Sincere, door r. 

Mrs. a. R. Tistic (gushingly). .Oh, how do you do! 
It is so mild to-day we haven't- wraps, so we came right in. 
Mrs. Welcome. I am so pleased to see you all. 

(Shakes hands with Mrs. A. R. Tistic and Mrs. O. B. 
Ject, zvho cross l., then with Mrs. Sincere, zvho 
crosses r., then with Miss Palette.) 

Miss Palette. I am curious to know just what it is 
all about* 

Mrs. Welcome. Oh, you will soon — make yourselves 
at home. 



ART CLUBS ARE TRUMPS 5 

(Miss Palette crosses l.) 

Mrs. Sincere (looking as if out of a zvindozv). Here 
is Mrs. Weahhy's carnage ! 

Mrs. Welcome. Yes, Mrs. Wealthy is so interested 
in my idea and promises to lend her full support. 

Mrs. Sincere. How splendid! 

(Mrs. Welcome goes toward the door at r.) 
Enter Bridget, excitedly. 

Bridget. Sure, mum, nobody will go up-stairs, and it 
was no use fussin' up the front room at all, at all. 

Mrs. Welcome. Nevermind, Bridget. (Exit Bridget.) 
Do pardon my maid, ladies ; she is really very good and I 
have a horror of changing. (Apologetically. Enter 
Mrs. Wealthy and Mrs. Serious.) How do you do, 
Mrs. Wealthy (shaking hands), and you, Mrs. Serious? 
(Greeting her.) How lovely that you came together! 

(Mrs. Wealthy crosses l. and greets Mrs. A. R. 
TiSTic, Mrs. O. B. Ject and Miss Palette.) 

Mrs. Serious. Yes, Mrs. Wealthy called for me in 
her brougham. 

Mrs. Welcome. Mrs. Wealthy is always so kind. 

Mrs. Serious. Yes, some people drive right by and 
never think of asking any one else to share a carriage 
with them. 

Mrs. Welcome. You know the ladies, I think, Mrs. 
Serious. 

(Mrs. Serious crosses to Mrs. Sincere, r., and shakes 
hands. Mrs. Wealthy crosses r. and greets Mrs. 
Sincere.) 

Enter Bridget, r. 

Bridget (excitedly). A lady just came in and wint 
up-stairs, mum. She said she'd bin shopping and_ her 
nose was shiny and naded powder. I am glad we didn't 
clane the front room fer nothin', mum. 

Mrs. Welcome. All right, all right, Bridget. 



O ART CLUBS ARE TRUMPS 

(Exit Bridget, r., Mrs. Welcome following toward 

the door.) 

]\Iks. a. R. Tistic (aside). Isn't that maid dreadful? 
Enter Miss Bright, r. 

Miss Bright. Am I late? How do you do, Mrs. 
Welcome? (They come down stage, c.) Good-after- 
noon, everybody. Isn't this a lovely day? 

Mrs. Welcome. We are so glad to see you, Miss 
Bright. You know every one, I think. (Miss Bright 
greets Mrs. Serious, Mrs. Sincere and Mrs. Wealthy 
and crosses stage and greets the ladies on l. ; a little 
audible miirmiir of conversation is heard, which must 
cease at Mrs. Wixcome's next speech.) Shall we be- 
gin? Let me see (Looks about her.) Are we all 

here? No, there is Mrs. Everlate. 

Mrs. O. B. Ject. Oh, I object to waiting for her; 
she's always late. 

(The ladies sit dozvn in their respective places, Mrs. 
Welcome in a chair l. of table.) 

Mrs. Wealthy. No, don't wait for her. 

Mrs. a. R. Tistic. Please do not. We will be for- 
tunate if she comes at three. 

Miss Bright (rising). Oh, she'd be late if she had 
an audience with the Pope, or were to be presented at 
Queen Victoria's Court. 

(Makes a little bozv as if at a Court presentation. The 
rest laugh. Sits dozvn.) 

Mrs. Wealthy (rising). And that would mean that 
she would miss either one entirely. 

(Makes another bozv and sits down.) 

Miss Palette (rising and looking across the room as 
though out of a zvindow). Well, here she comes. I 
know the excuse. It will be the cable cars. (All laugh.) 

Mrs. SiNci.RE. Let us be charitable. The cable does 
break very often. 



ART CLUBS ARE TRUMPS 7 

Mrs. Wealthy. Oh, I would hale to have to depend 
upon a street car. 

Miss Bright. My dear, you know we all haven't a 
lovely brougham at our disposal as you have. 

Mrs. Wealthy {rising) . Mr. Wealthy says that 
there is a Frenchman who invented a gasoline motor 
about six or seven years ago, and that a Mr. Panhard has 
built a wonderful car that will run by steam or something 
over in France. Mv. Wealthy is quite excited over it 
and of course we intend to have one. 

(Crosses c. to table and stands.) 

Miss Palette. Oh, my dear, a carriage that will run 
without horses, like a horrid steam engine ! Why, our 
lives would not be safe a minute with those things running 
up and down the boulevards ! 

Mrs. Wealthy. Well, I think I might be afraid and 
then, too, I love my horses. 

(Sits dozvn in chair, near table.) 

Mrs. Si:rious. I read somewhere that there were a 
few of these horseless carriages on the Paris boulevards, 
and oh, such crowds gather about them. They must be 
wonderful just the same. 

Mrs. Wi.LCOME. I think they would be ridiculous and 
so smelly. Nothing will ever supplant the noble horse. 

Miss Bright. No, indeed; one might as well expect 
people to fly about in air-ships. 

Mrs. Sincere {rising). Heaven forbid! We cer- 
tainly would be in the last days of the Vv-orld if such things 
happened. {Makes a gesture of horror and sits dozvn.) 

Mrs. Wealthy {rising). If they're not used over 
here by 1896, I shall see them, because we are going to 
the Queen's Diamond Jubilee and will run over to Paris 
then. {Crosses back to her chair at r.) 

Mrs. Serious {enviously, touching Mrs. Wealth y's 
arm). Oh, you fortunate creature, to be able to travel! 

Enter Mrs. Fverlate. 

Mrs. Fvi:rlate.. Oh, my dear Mrs. Welcome, I am so 



8 ' ART CLUBS ARE TRUMPS 

sorry to be late, but the cMq broke. (All laugh loudly. 
]\1rs. Welcome rises to greet her at c.) Why, what is 
the matter? 

Mrs. Welcome. Nothing", my dear. Do let me take 
your wraps. 

(]\lus. EvERLATE greets the ladies in chairs, r. of stage, 
bo7vs to those at l., and is seated in chair at r., near 
table.) 

Mrs. Serious. Pray, let us begin, Mrs. Welcome. 
You preside. 

Mrs. Welcoime. I suppose I ought to be nominated 
or something in order to do things according to parlia- 
mentary law, although I do not know a thing about it. 

Mrs. O. B. Ject (rising). What is all this about, any- 
how? I object to taking up so much time with prelimi- 
naries. (Sits dozvn.) 

Mrs. a. R. Tistic (rising and crossing c. to Mrs. 
Welcome). Oh, Mrs. Welcome, you are the hostess; 
you preside to-day. 

Mrs. Welcome. Some one must nominate me. 

(Slcps to chair back of table and Mrs. A. R. Tistic re- 
turns to her scot at l.) 

Mrs. Everlate (rising). I nominate Mrs. Welcome. 

(Sits down.) 

Mrs. Sincere (rising). I second the nomination. 
Is that right? (Sits down.) 

Mrs. Welcome. Yes; all in favor, say **Aye." (All 
say "Aye.") Everybody said aye, so I suppose that 
elects me. (Applause.) Now, we must have a secretary. 

(Mrs. Welcome goes to chair back of table.) 

Mrs. O. B. Ject (rising). I object to taking up so 
much time. Why are we here? (Remains standing.) 

Miss Palette. Why, my dear, we must do things in 
the regular way. 

Mrs. O.B. Ject (turning to her). Well, I left a 



ART CLUBS ARE TRUMPS 9 

plumber at the house and a carpenter and goodness knows 
what will happen, or what my bill will be. (Sits dozvn.) 

Mrs. Wealthy (rising). I nominate Miss Bright for 
secretary. (Sits dozvn.) 

Mrs. a. R. Tistic {rising). I second the nomination. 

{Sits dozvn.) 

Mrs. Welcome. All in favor, say " Aye." {All say 
"Aye") Nobody says no, so Miss Bright is elected. 

{Applause.) 

Miss Bright {looking very pleased, rises and crosses 
to chair l. of table). I suppose, Mrs. Welcome, I ought 
to take " seconds " or " minutes " or something. 

Mrs. Welcome. Yes, '' minutes," I think that's right. 

{Hands her a piece of paper and pencil.) 

Mrs. O. B. Ject {rising; eniphatically). I object to 
taking up so much time. Why are we here? Do let's 
get to business. 

Mrs. Welcome {rising). Ladies, we have decided 
that we need a club in this part of town. The down- 
town ckibs are too far away and we want to study Art. 

Mrs. O. B. Ject {rising). I object to making this an 
Art Club. {Sits dozvn.) 

Mrs. A. R. Tistic {rising and zvalking tozvard c). 
Certainly v/e want an Art Club. The World's Fair is to 
be held here, here in our own America, — the great 
World's Fair, think of it, and we want to know some- 
thing about the art treasures of the world. {Sits dozvn.) 

Mrs. Everlate {rising). I think a Euchre Club would 
be nice. 

All {in chorus). No! No! 

(Mrs. Everlate sits dozvn.) 

Mrs. Sincere {rising). Mercy no! We must not 
waste our time. How about a Philanthropy Ckib? 

{Sits dozvn.) 

Mrs. O. B. Ject {rising excitedly). I object to a 



10 ART CLUBS ARE TRUMPS 

Pliilanlliropy Club. I hear enough about philanthropy at 
church. We are always giving to some poor fund or 
other. 

(All laJk in very loud, emphal'ic manner to one another.) 

Mrs. Welcome {rising and rapping zvith gavel several 
iiines). But, ladies, listen, please. {Raps, and talking 
eeases.) We have talked this all over before and said it 
was our desire to study Art. That Vvas the idea of some 
of us who desired a club — the thought of forming a club 
at all was for the study of Art. 

Mrs. Serious {rising). I think we need a Civic Club 
more than an Art Club. Just look at our filthy streets 
and the ramshackle buildings. 

Mrs Wealthy {rising). There's that splendid new 
Masonic Temple, twenty stories high. 

(Mrs. Si:rious and Mrs. Wealthy both sit dozvn. 
In case the plot takes place in another city, some 
other building can be named.) 

]\Irs. O, B. Ject {rising). Well, I object to a Civic 
Club. The first thing we know they will be calling us 
Woman's Rights Women who want to vote. (Sits down.) 

Mrs. Wi:altjiy {rising hastily). Oh, heavens, I hope 
not. My husband would leave me if I had any of those 
strong-minded id^as. Mr. Wealthy says, " Anything but 
a woman politician." {Sits down.) 

Mrs. Sincere {rising). Goodness, mine would not. 
Politics are bad enough with the mayor we have. We 
could give him a little advice, with profit. {Sits down.) 

{All talk again in. loud tones.) 

]\1rs.» Wixco^iE {rising, raps several times zvith the 
gavel). Ladies! Ladies! This is all superfluous. 
(Talking ceases.) This is superfluous, as I said, and 
unnecessary. I do not wish to join anything but an Art 
Club. To me the very idea of a woman's voting is ex- 
ceedingly vulgar. 

Mrs. A. R. Tlstic (rising and taking a step or two to- 



ART CLUBS ARE TRUMPS II 

ivard c. of sUiije in an affected manner). Yes, I am sure 
we should all dress like frights in that stage. 

{Sweeps back to her chair.) 

Mrs. Welcome {slill standing). There are plenty of 
churches and public charitable organizations to take care 
of the poor. We need to foster the st\idy of Art in our 
section of the city. 

• Mrs. O. B. Ject (rising). I object to saying this sec- 
tion of the city, as though we were all ignorant and crude 
here. (Sits down.) 

Mrs. Welcome {standing). I did not mean it that 
way. We want to foster the study of Art and be more 
artistic in this part of the city than in any other. I have 
asked Mrs. Van Dyke Brown of New York City to talk 
to us this afternoon and I expect her any moment. 

Mrs. O. B. Ject {jumping to her feet).* Now there, 
I object to having a New York woman talk to us. They 
think that we are almost savages here in the West and 
they show they think so, too. {Sits down.) 

Mrs. Sincere {rising). We^ haven't a name for our 
club. (Sits down.) 

Mess Pjuigiit (rising). Let us call it ''The Woman's 
Art Study Club." (Sits down.) 

Miss Palette (rising). Mercy no, that's so palpable. 

(Sits dozvn.) 

Mrs. Everlate (rising). How about the x\lpha Club? 
This is a beginning. 

Mrs. a. R. Tistic (rising). My dear — maybe we 
ought to call it The Omega Club, because we may end 
in a short while. (Sits down. All laugh.) 

Miss Palette (rising). How about the Palette and 
Chisel Club? (Sits dozvn.) 

Mrs. Wealthy (rising). To show that w'e are al- 
ways ahead — how about the Trump Club? 

(Remains standing a moment.) 

Miss Bright (rising). Good gracious, then some 
cynic is liable to want to criticize us some time and miizht 
call us the Frump Club. (Sits dozvn. All laugh.) 



■t)' 



12 ART CLUBS ARE TRUMPS 

Mrs. Wklcoimi: (rising). Oh, dear, I did not know it 
was so hard to get a name ! {Remains standing.) 

Mrs. Sincere (rising). Well, I propose the Thursday 
Art Club. (Stands.) 

Mrs. Serious (rising). But this is not Thursday. 

(Sits.) 

Mrs. Sincere (stitl standing). We can meet Thurs- 
day if we wish. 

Mrs. Welcome (hastily). No, no — that is maid's day 
out. (All exchange glances surreptitiously.) 

Mrs. Sincere (still standing). Well, just the Art 
Club then. (Sits.) 

Mrs. a. R. Tistic (rising). I second the motion. 

(Sits.) 

Mrs. Welcome. All in favor, say " Aye." (All say 
''Aye," except Mrs. O. B. Ject, who says '' N^o." The 
rest look annoyed and finally she says ''Aye.") You all 
said ** Aye " — no one says " No." It is to be called The 
Art Club. 

Enter Bridget, l. of stage; her cap is on one side and 
she Wears the gingham apron. Bell heard ringing. 

Bridget (coming to table). Shure, mum, you said 
after I let the ladies in I might go to makin' sandwidges 
an' now the bell's ringin' an' I'll have to answer an' the" 
refrishments won't be ready. 

Mrs. Welcome (rising hastily). Yes, yes — all right, 
Bridget. I will go to the door. (Exit"^ Bridget, l.) 
Pardon me a moment, ladies. [Exit, R. 

Miss Bright. Isn't that maid a fright? We cannot 
meet from house to house if such things happen. 

Mrs. a. R. Tistic. Certainly not. That would crush 
all the artistic element in my nature. 

Mrs. Wealthy (rising and walking to c. of room). 
It is no trouble to train maids and to insist on proper 
behavior on their part. 

(Remains standing and then moves tozvard Miss 
Palette when she begins to speak.) 



ART CLUBS ARE TRUMPS I3 

Miss Falette (rising). Oh, my dear, you know 
every one cannot afford a whole retinue of servants like 

yours. 

(She takes Mrs. Wealtiiy's arm and they go to l. of 
stage, Mrs. Wealthy sitting on extreme l. in place 
occupied formerly by Miss Bright before she took 
her place as secretary at the table.) 

Mrs. Everlate (rising). No, my dear — we pay such 
wages, too. Why, I give my maid three doHars and a 
half a week — isn't that terrible? They are so wasteful 
and extravagant, too. (Remains standing a moment.) 

Mrs. O. B. Ject. Does that include washing and iron- 
ing? 

Mrs. Everlate. Certainly. (In loud tones.) 

(Sits. The ladies all talk.) 

Enter Mrs. Welcome with Mrs. Van Dyke Brown, who 
wears a long train, a hat zvith many ostrich plumes 
and carries a lorgnette. 

Mrs. Welcome (rapping the gavel to restore quiet). 
Ladies, this is Mrs. Van Dyke Brown of New York, 
whom I am so pleased to present to you. We are very 
fortunate indeed in having her with us and she will give 
us a general talk on Art this afternoon. 

(The ladies applaud.) 

(Mrs. Van Dyke Brown bows, looking about through 
her lorgnette. Mrs. Welcome sits dozvn in her 
place hack of the table. Mrs. Brown stands c. in 
front of the table all during her talk.) 

Mrs, Van Dyke Brown (standing). Ladies, I am 
very glad to greet you and to know that you have de- 
cided to study Art here in the West. 

Mrs. O. B. Ject (rising). I object to calling this the 
West. California and Kansas are West. 

(Stands a moment.) 

Mrs. Van Dyke Brown (standing, looking at her 



14 ART CLUBS ARE TRUMPS 

Ihrouqh the lorgnette). Ob, my dear friends {turns to 
the rest of the audience), the West is splendid, so full of 
wide spaces ! 

(She stands c. in front of the table during her whole 
speech before the club. Miss Bright touches Mrs. 
]]rown's arm to ask a question in pantomime.) 

Mrs. Si:rioi;s (aside). 1 knew she would patronize 
us. These art teachers and critics always do. 

Mrs. Van Dyke Brown (resuming her talk). Ladies, 
we must live on a higher plane — above the sordid cares 
of every day. 

Enter Bridget, l. ; goes to table. 

Bridget. Plase, mum, I'll have to run over to the 
grocery. The bye niver brought no sugar for the tay, 
nor ham for the sandwidges. 

Mrs. Welcome (rising; nervously). Yes, yes, you 
may, Bridget. (Bridget looks at Mrs. Van Dyke 
Brown, zvho surveys her through the lorgnette. Mrs. 
O. B. Ject pidls Bridget's gozvn and motions her to go 
out. Exit Bridget, l., shrugging shoulders. Mrs. Wel- 
come" com^.9 from back of table. To Mrs. Brown.) Do 
pardon my maid- she is really a very good maid, but a 
little trying at times. (Starts azvay, tJien turns.) Par- 
don me, ladies. [Exit, l. 

Mrs. Wealthy (rising). Why doesn't she telephone? 

(Sits.) 

Miss Bright. My dear Mrs. Wealthy, not one of us 
can afford one of those new 'phones but yourself. The 
time may come when everybody can have one. Won't 
it be a dream of luxury? 

Mrs. Van Dyke Brown (standing, looking about her 
coldly). Shall I continue, ladies? (Looks about again 
and continues.) America is a land of promise — a land 
of the future. 

Mrs. Sincere (rising and interrupting enthusiastic- 
ally). Oh, won't it be splendid when we can all have 
telephones ? 



ART CLUBS ARE TRUMPS I5 

(All begin io talk; AIks. Wealthy rises and f/oes hack 
io her original place, riglil stage, and is seated, talk- 
ing io Mrs. Sincere, zuhile Mrs. Van Dyke Brown 
looks about her in amazement and disgust.) 

Enter Mrs. Wi:lcome; shozvs surprise and nervousness; 
raps with the gavel. 

Mrs. Welco^ie. Ladies! Ladies! (To Mrs. Brown.) 
Do pardon the interruplion— pray continue, Mrs. Brown. 
My maid is really very good and I cannot afford to offend 
her. Pardon me, ladies — pray continue, Mrs. Brown, 

(Goes to seat back of table.) 

Mrs. Van Dyke Brown (icily). I supposed this was 
an Art Club and not an Employment Bureau. Shall I 
continue or do you prefer to discuss domestic affairs? 

(Stands tapping her foot and looking disdainftd,) 

Mrs. EvERLATE (aside). Isn't she snippy? 

Mrs. Serious (aside). No, she's right. This is an 
Art Club. 

Mrs. Van Dyke Brown (standing). I will give you 
a resume of my plans, ladies. First, we will talk of the 
fundamental princi])les of Art and of its relations to 
society at large and to individuals in particular. Then 
we will take up the art of each country in rotation — of 
Greece, Italy, England, France and last of all of America. 

Mrs. O. B. Ject (rising). 1 object to putting America 
last. (Sits down.) 

Mrs. Van Dyke Brown (standing). America is a 
new country and must of necessity be placed last. We 
will lead up to our own art and encourage our own 
artists, 

Mrs. Welcome (risfng and coming front back of 
table). Oh, that has always been my dream, to encourage 
our own artists, and maybe we may even go so far a 
little later in the progress of our club as to be able to buy 
a picture now and then. 

Mrs. O. B. Ject (rising). I object. Where would we 
put a picture? Hang it in the Park? (Sits dozen.) 



l6 ART CLUBS ARE TRUMPS 

(Mrs. Welcomk goes back io her seat) 

Miss Bright (rising). I would like to study music^ 
too. (Sits dozvn.) 

Miss Paletti-:. But, my dear, this is an Art Club. 

Mrs. Serious (rwrnr/). Well, music is an art. I 
would like to study music myself. (Sits down.) 

Mrs. O. B. Ji:ct (rising), I object to mixing up studies 
like that — it is so messy. Let's study Art or not study 
Art. (Remains standing.) 

Mrs. Van Dyke Brown (looking ai Mrs. O. B. Ject 
Ihrough her lorgnette, sarcastically). Art includes many 
things and has many branches. (Mrs. O. B. Ject shrugs 
her shoulders and returns to her seat, and Mrs. Brown 
continues.) I was going to suggest, when interrupted 
in my train of thought, that you lighten your art days, 
that is your regular art days, with occasional musicales. 
You can have music and dancing. 

Mrs. Wealthy (rising). But where are the men? 

(Sits dozvn.) 

Mrs. Everlate (rising). The men cannot come. We 
meet in the afternoon. (Sits down.) 

Mrs. Van Dyke Brown (standing). Ladies, one 
moment. I do not mean vulgar, round dances, partici- 
pated in by men and women; I mean Grecian dancing 
that will interpret and visualize old forms of Art. I am 
training a group of young women to dance in flowing 
draperies and in their bare feet. (All gasp.) 

Miss Bright (half rising and speaking in a shocked 
voice). Their bare feet! 

Mrs. Serious (rising). Why, that is shocking! 

(Sits dozvn.) 

Mrs. O. B. Ject (rising). I object to any such ex- 
hibition ! 

(Crosses the stage, r., and speaks, in pantomime, to 
Mrs. Serious and Mrs. Wealthy, as though very 
much shocked, and then sits dozvn next to Mrs. 
Serious,) 



ART CLUBS ARE TRUMPS I7 

Mrs. a. R. Tistic (r'lsinij). But that would be a form 
of Art ! 

Mrs. Van ]3yke Brown {siandmg; io Mrs. A. R. 
TiSTic). Thank you; I am glad to know there is one 
person here who is progressive. (Mrs. A. R. Tistic 
hows and sits down, and Mrs. Brown continues.) 
Ladies, we must get away from the commonplace. 
Nothing is vulgar that is Art ; an undraped statue and a 
painting in the nude may be most exquisite. 

Mrs. Sincere {rising). I think some of them are 
terrible — all out of shape anyhow. 

Mrs. O. B. Ject (rising). I object to looking at nude 
pictures and statuary that is not properly clothed. 

(Sits dozvn.) 

Mrs. Van Dyke Brown (standing). Ladies, as I 
said before, we must get away from the commonplace, 
and lift ourselves spiritually and artistically above the 
ordinary things of life. Let us endow everything with a 
gossamer rose-colored veil. 

Mrs. Serious (rising). Some statues need more than 
a veil. They need a good warm suit of woolen under- 
wear. (Sits down.) 

Mrs. Van Dyke Brown (^standing)'. Kindly do not 
interrupt. The man who paints the tree, the sky, the 
human creature does not paint the real. Lie portrays 
the ideal, the soul, and thus uplifts one beyond the earth 
to the realm of spirit. 

Miss Bright (rising). Dear me, I am all at sea; I 
don't know what we are going to study. 

Mrs. Welcome (rising, and coming from back of table 
to c). Dear friends, do not be discouraged so easily. 
This has been my hope, my dream, to form a club of 
women who will encourage the study of Art. It will not 
be easy. It means discouragements and trials. Let us 
stand by each other. (Mrs. Van Dyke Brown 'stops at 
table a moment to give Miss Bright some notes for the 
minutes and then sits down l., and Mrs. Welco:me, stand- 
ing c, continues.) We must be earnest and patient and 
believe in ourselves, and in the potent pov/er of Art, to 
better us a~s women, and ena])le us to help our city and 



1 8 ART CLUBS ARE TRUMPS 

our communily. {lyilh (jreat feeling.) Art! Art! it 
is such a wonderful thing ! 

{The C'uriains are parted at door r. stage, and a woman 
appears. She is elolhed in Grecian draperies, zvilh a 
hand of silver about her head and carries a crystal 
hall. This crystal ball may be a mirrored globe, such 
as florists use, or a medium shed goldfish globe, lined 
with silver paper.) 

{Music is played softly at the entrance of Art and 
continued until her exit, and a heautifid strain from 
one of the Grand Operas is suggested.) 

Art {coming forzvard slozvly and standing near table 
a little to the R.). I am here, 

{All start in amazement, hut with a movement rather 
of azve and mystery than of fear. The supernatural 
and symholical elements must nozv enter into the 
play. ) 

Mrs. Welcome {moving to l. a little and speaking 
with reverence in her tones). Who — are — you? 

Art {standing). I am Art. You called my name. 
{Takes c. of stage, a little to r., and Mrs. Welcome steps 
hack a little to l.) Where two or three are gathered 
together in my name, there I come. You would know 
me. Then the way to my abode is long and steep, yet 
are there wondrous treasures by the wayside that will be 
yours for the asking — glowing gems, fragrant flowers, 
tinkling fountains, blessed shade and radiant sunlight, 
mists like veils of hazy grayish blue rny lady wears, 
stretcli£s of wood and open ])lain. Are you afraid to 
climb with me? Think you this little gathering is too 
small and weak to worship at my shrine? Come, behold. 
{She places the crystal globe upon the table, steps upon 
the footstool and then upon the chair, hack of the table, 
standing on the chair, zvhirh Mrs. Welcome formerly 
occupied hack of table, c. .Ill rise slozvly, as if zvith azve, 
gazing at her. Art continues.) Gaze into the crystal. 
What see you? You shall see the past and the future, 
the beginning and fulfillment of your desires. {At these 



ART CLUBS ARE TRUMPS I9 

words of Art, Miss Bright and Mrs. Serious come 
slozvly forward and kneel at either corner of the table, 
front of stage. The other ladies stand as they were 
seated — Mrs. Welcome dropping hack between Miss 
Palette and Mrs. A. R. Tistic ; Mrs. Van Dyke Brown 
standing l. of table at one side of Art; Mrs. Everlate 
at R. of table the other side of Art — the whole forming a 
tableau, with Art standing upon the chair during her 
speech, and this tableau must be sustained with a pretty 
regidar grouping in this order, until the close of Art's 
speech. Music continues; plays softly.) Behold the 
sweep of the desert sands. (She points at the crystal.) 
'Tis ancient Egypt, land of the mighty pyramids and 
mystic sphinx. Come to this ruined temple of the Gods 
of old. See the lotus-flowered columns, hands long since 
stilled, perpetuated with tender, patient skill, the luscious 
flowers of a beloved land. The scene changes, fair 
classic Greece arises beside the Mediterranean waters 
blue. The simple majestic glory of the Parthenon be- 
longs to you. The beauteous forms made lasting in 
marble by sculptors who followed in my footsteps — these 
are yours to-day. Now are we in Italy^in sunny Italy, 
where Michael Angelo toiled, where Raphael poured out 
libations at my shrine, where treasures untold await your 
study, giving to you a joy you ne'er as yet have known. 
Now are we in the woods of France, amongst the Bar- 
bizan painters. EEere is the Louvre with its treasures. 
Lower your voices ; we stand at the feet of the beautiful, 
incomparable Venus de Milo. Through the long gal- 
leries we wander. Now across the Channel to England, 
where Gainsborough, Romney, Sir John Millais, Alma 
Tadema bid you welcome to another home of Art — a 
modern school too calls to later treasures. Then across 
the ocean, here in your own land, are voices calling to you 
for courage and recognition in my world. Look again ; 
there are the brothers of the Pencil, opening their books 
for your perusal. Behold that great concourse of 
women. This group is studying literature; that one is 
sewing for the poor and needy. Strains of music greet 
the ear. The works of great composers are yours for 
study and for profit. There is a splendid building erected 



20 ART CLUBS ARE TRUMPS 

in my honor, an Institute of Art. These women walking 
about in the spacious halls — who are they? That is you 
and you and you. It is your club formed from this little 
nucleus into a great power. {She steps dozun upon the 
foolslool and continues.) In Union there is Strength. 
{She steps to the floor and takes the crystal ball in her 
/lauds and continues.) Be patient, work much, love 
much, hope much. I will be your Guardian Saint. {She 
starts to back out slowly.) Be not discouraged. Push 
on and on and on to the goal. {She stands a moment at 
door, R.) Adieu! Adieu! [Exit Art. 

{The music ceases; all stand for a moment as if in the 
spell.) 

Mrs. Welcome {stepping forzmrd). Oh, I am glow- 
ing with hope and pride. {Speaks earnestly.) This, our 
little club, will grow into a great power. Shall we go on? 

All. Yes, yes. 

Mrs. Welcome {standing c. facing audience, and the 
rest group about her). And you will not mind the trials 
before us, you will stand by me? 

All {enthusiastically). Yes, yes, we will, we will. 

Mrs. Welcome. This is our Alpha — our beginning — 
our own Art Club. Come, let us adjourn to the dining- 
room and drink in our tea to a success of our club. {All 
exeunt, talking audibly, but earnestly, as though full of 
purpose. Mrs. Serious stops as though to encourage Mrs. 
Welcome and to congratidate her, followed by Mrs. 
Sincere. They exeunt in groups of two's and three's, l., 
Mrs. Van Dyke Brown and Mrs. Welcome remain- 
ing. Mrs. Welcome, to Mrs. Brown.) Oh, I feel so 
en c(ju raged, we must succeed. Faith and work will 
move mountains, will they not? 

Mrs. Van Dyke Brown {putting her arm about Mrs. 
Welcome). My dear, you will succeed, for your heart 
is in the "welfare of your club and your community. The 
others will help you. The inspiration of an earnest soul 
and the enthusiasm of one person can stir the hearts of 
many. 

{Exit, talking earnestly, l. of stage, both Mrs. Brown 



ART CLUBS ARE TRUMPS 21 

and Mrs. Welcome. Just before they exeunt, Art 
reenters r. zvifhoitt the crystal ball, but they do not 
see her. She conies forzvard and stands c.) 

Art {zvith a gesture tozvard the door at l., through 
zvhich Mrs. Welcome, Mrs. Van Dyke Brown and the 
rest have passed, speaks). 

So runs the world away 

They finite beings, creatures of a day 

With all their hopes and doubts and fears, 

With all their longings, smiles and tears, 

They must pass on — to oblivion's edge? — Ah, nay. 

Time flies but Art will last alway. 

No thought uplifting can be lost. 

Press on toward light — count not the cost. 

Good deeds repay an hundredfold. 

I, Art, will live and ne'er grow old. 

They in the past — that little band 

Stood firm and lo I wave a magic wand. 

You here to-day 

A great club with the power to sway 

Your own community — yet stand not still, 

You may greater tasks fulfill. 

Connecting past with future, I am here. 

You too push on and never fear. 

And so our little play is done. 

We trust we have your plaudits won. 

I, Art, am proud, dear club of you. 

And now for a little while 

Dear friends, my friends, adieu. 



CURTAIN 



(// curtain is not procurable this play may end zvith 
Art slozvly making her exit and leaving' stage R. at 
the zvords "Adieu/' If the play is given before a 
mixed gathering and not a Woman's Club, the cur- 
tain may come at the zvords of Art, '*/, Art, will 
live and ne'er grozv old.") 



CLOSE TO NATURE 

A Farce in Four Acts 

By Norman Lee Swartoiit 
Author of " The Arrival of Kitty," " Half-Back Sandy,»» 
" One of the Eight," etc. 
Nine maks, four females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, one interios 
and one exterior. Plays a full evening. Royalty for amateur perform- 
ance, $10.00 for one or $15.00 for two performances. Levasso Wellman, 
an unusually healthy individual, is persuaded by his wife, who has private 
reasons for the change connected with her daughter's engagement to the 
man of her mother's choice and the elimination of " the wrong man," to 
go to a remote health resort — Farm Springs. His experiences in this 
somewhat fraudulent institution are very funny and the defeat of mamma's 
matrimonial politics turns out all right for the daughter. Well recom- 
mended. Priae, 50 cents 

CHARACTERS 

Lavasso Wellman, a laivyer, 

Tkt>, his small son. 

Doctor Boxill, Mrs. Wellmajts brother, 

Clayton Holmes, a poor yoimg tnan. 

Hugh Killroy, a rich young man. 

Alonza K. Dewsnap, editor of a health magazine, 

Sidney Muirhead, a Canadian fartner, 

Jim Jarks, a backwoodsman. 

A Chauffeur. 

Mrs. Wellman. 

Barbara, Wellma7i s daughter, 

Carrie, a maid. 

Mrs. Muirhead. 

Mike, Ted's dog. 

The part of Ted, who is supposed to be nine years old, may be 
very effectively played by an older boy of small stature, by a girl 
or by a child. 

SYNOPSIS 

Act I. Mr. Wellman's Library, New York. An evening in June. 

Act n. Farm Spring Hotel, Canada. Two days later. 

Act hi. Same as Act H. A few minutes later. 

Act IV. Same as Act I. Five days later. 

JACK'S BROTHER'S SISTER 

A Sketch ill One Act 
By Pauline Phelps and Marion Short 
One male, one female. Costumes, modern ; scene, an interior. Plays 
twenty mniutes. No royalty. Petunia, visiting her brother Jack in his 
college room, encounters his chum, who has never seen her, and falls 
inider suspicion of being mixed up in some Junior-Senior politics. Their 
interview, complicated with a red skirt and a riding habit, is most in- 
geniously and amusingly conducted. Very bright and strongly recora- 
snended. 

Price f ij ceftts 



playing on the Carlton Springs sumimr base- 
ball team. 



CAUGHT OUT 

A Farce in Three Acts 

By H, Mauley Dana 

Nine male, two female characters. Costumes, modern ; scenery, one 

interior. Plays an hour and a half. De Witt Boyd is jollied into making 

a foolish bet that he will propose to Bess Mason and be rejected. She 

overhears the plot and accepts him instead, thus getting both herself and 

him into all kinds of a mess. A baseball play, full of action and interest, 

recommended to high schools. Easy and effective ; free from royalty. 

Price, 75 ceuts 

CHARACTERS 
Bill Randolph 
Dick Rogers 
Jack Davis 
George Brown 
Kenneth Marsh 
Charlie King 
De Witt Boyd, rrianager of the team. 
Harry Wilkes, formerly an Amherst pitcher; now wanted to 

pitch on the Carlton team. 
Mr. Weaver, afflicted with sunstroke. Has come to Carlton 

Springs to take the cure. 
Bess Mason ) both staying at the Carlton 
Christabel Lee J Springs Hotel. 
Hotel Waiters. 

Remainder of team and substitutes, 

A TAKING WAY 

A Farce in One Act 
£y Innis G. Osborn 
Four male, two female characters. Costumes, modern ; scenery, one 
interior. Play-s forty-five minutes. Jacobus Harwinton, a newly-wed with 
a very jealous better half, gets by mistake into John Halsey's flat, taking 
it for that of a friend that has been loaned him for his honeymoon, and in- 
herits all of John's troubles, including Jennie, a very up-to-date typewriter, 
to say nothing of a casual burglar. Very swift and funny and strongly 
recommended. Price, /j" cents 

LOCAL AND LONG DISTANCE 

A Farce in One Act 
By H. Manley Dana 
One male, six female characters. Costumes, modern ; scenery, one in- 
terior. Plays half an hour. George Davis, home from Yale with a broken 
leg, is left in charge of the house for an hour of a rainy day, and thus 
anchored trouble revolves around him like a wheel, largely turned by the 
charming Kitty Parsons who takes this chance -to be revenged upon him 
for a little slight. Irresistibly funny to all telephone users. Strongly 
recommended. Price^ ij cents 



B. lU* Pinero's Plays 

Price, 50 0e ite Cacb 



Min POAMMn Play in Four Acts. Six males, five females. 
mlU-LnAllllCiL Costumes, modern; scenery, three interiors. 
Plays two and a half hours. 

THE NOTORIOUS MRS. EBBSMITH SS?" luhJ 

males, five females. Costumes, modern; scenery, all interiors. 
Plays a full evening. 

TOr DDACIIPATr Play in Four Acts. Seven males, five 
1 llEi r KUr LlU A 1 Ej females. Scenery, three interiors, rather 
elaborate ; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. 

TOr Or'LinrM MICTDFCC Farce in Three Acts. Nine males, 
lllEi 5CnUULlVlliJlI\CiiJO seven females. Costumes, mod- 
ern ; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. 

THE SECOND MRS. TANQUERAY l!g"J.'°J^^S,*flve 

females. Costumes, modern; scenery, three interiors. Plays a 
full evening. 

CWrrrT T A\7riUnrD Comedyln Three Acts. Seven males, 
OWLtil LAVLlNULIV four females. Scene, a single interior, 
costumes, modern. Plavs a full evening. 

THE THUNDERBOLT Srai^s^°lci,'e?y.tSaS» 

ors; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. 

TUr TllWrC Comedy in Four Acts. Six males, seven females. 
1 nCi 1 11V1E.J Scene, a single interior ; costumes, modern. Plays 
a full evening. 

TUr lirrAVTD CrY Comedy in Three Acts. Eight males, 
Infc WtiAIVLlV OLA eight females. Costumes, modern; 
scenery, two interiors. Plays a full evening. 

A WIFE WITHOUT A SMILE 5?;rmlil^ou^Temi!e's: 

Costumes, modern ; scene, a single interior. Plays a full evening, 

■ — I — ^^— — — — 

Sent prepaid on receipt of price by 

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NOo 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts 



■-^rtC 



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AQ Yftll I IITF IT Comedy in Five Acts. Thirteen malea, four 
m^ IWU MAm 11 females. Costumes, picturesque ; scenery, Ta> 
ffled. Plays a full evening. 

CAMIT T F Drama in Five Acts. Nine males, five females. Cos- 
VAaul^LfC tumes, modern ; scenery, varied. Plays a full evening. 

INIinilAD P^7 ^^ Fire Acts. Thirteen males, three femalei. 
inuviniiA Scenery varied ; costumes, Greek. Plays a full evening. 

MADT CTYIAfiT Tragedy in Five Acts. Thirteen males, four fe- 
lllill\l JlUABl males, and supernumeraries. Costumes, of the 
period ; scenery, varied and elaborate. Plays a full evening. 

THE MERCHANT OF VENICE SStJh^arfr/a?^: IZt^J^. 

picturesque ; scenery varied. Plays a full evening. 

BirHPT IFII ^^^y ^° Five Acts. Fifteen males, two females. Bcen- 
niVllCMitU ery elaborate ; costumes of the period. Plays a full 
•Tening. 

THP PIVAI ^ Comedy in Five Acts. Nine males, five females. 
lIUi niTALrw Scenery varied; costumes of the period. Plays a 
fall evening. 

SHE STOOPS TO CONQUER SSiaiM7..t"1c.„^.?V;:i 

ried ; costumes of the period. Plays a full evening. 

TWELHH NIGHT; OR, WHAT YOC WILL S'^/.o'^mSi': 

three females. Costumes, picturesque ; scenery, varied. Plays a 
full evening. 



Sent prepaid on receipt of price by 

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Vo. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts 

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